Deadliest Warrior

I was alerted to this show in an episode of “You Have been watching” and in Charlie brooker’s Accompanying Article. I was intrigued and despite the poor reviews thought I’d have a look.

The format is this, take two warriors from history, compare their skills and weapons and then put them into a simulation to see who would win in a fight. Bravo bought this and so I was spared trying to find “other” sources. In fact, the only episode bravo didn’t show was the final abandonment of good taste with the IRA and the Taliban in a 5 on 5 fight. No, I’m serious, that was the last episode.

Now, normally I like this sort of thing, historical warriors and study of tactics and weapons intrigues me and the vs. element was a nice hook. Shame this largely fails on the first part.

The problem stems from this being a Spike TV production, so it is designed to entertain first and if you learn anything on the way they unreservedly apologise. Each show has two experst from each warrior demonstrating up to 5 signature weapons in combat. Not a bad idea, my first gripe is that it is all about the weapons, armour is sometimes covered and tactics are hinted at, but you don’t get the impression that aspects like training and tactics are even considered (Something which we even got on Showdown: Air combat).

Next is the weapons tests themselves, each weapon is pared with an equivelant from the other warrior and compared, in this they are remarkably incosistant, surely to accurately compare weapons they should eb tested in similar circumstances, and sometimes they are, usually on ballistics gel torsos, but other times we have tests on wooden targets, or skulls, or pigs vs ballistics gel, in short, trials obviously designed to show each weapon in its best light, but it irks my inner scientist. Second on the weapon test is that this could have provided some interesting history in how these weapons were adopted, origins and some general historical info (Such as how various pieces of asian weaponary is adapted from farm equipment for example). This is glossed over with a preference to seing a weapon in action and shouting “AWESOME!” it gets particularly tedious in contest such as Mafia vs. Yakuza and Green Beret vs. Spetsnaz, seeing what a halbeard or a Maori shark toothed club can do is actually vaguely interesting, but a gun, we know what that does, puts a hole in a person.

Finally its the experts themselves, and this is a criticism of the show rather than the people, who I’m sure are perfectly nice. They’re encouraged to smack talk each other through the show and it just makes the whole enterprise childish and tedious, yes the whoel series is pub argument territory anyway, but the “Oh yeah, well we can totally beat that” element just makes all the experts look petulant. The best experts were the two ex-Spetsnaz, who tolerated the bravado of the green beret equivalent with what looked like tired boredom. The closest they actually got to smack talk was when one finally caved and quietly murmered that he felt that the Green Beret training was a little too soft. This playground jibing is tedious when its enthusiasts, such as in Pirate vs Knight, but it gets somewhat uncomfortable in contests like Gladiator vs Apache, where the Apache was represented by an actual apache, yes, they’re an existing culture of people, while the Gladiator was covered by enthusiasts, the whole “My hobby is better than yoru culture” thing just didn’t sit right at all.

I’ll try not to extend this rant too far when I mention that Shaka Zulu never stood a chance in the battle against William Wallace since the version of Wallace used was the fictional one from Braveheart.

I know I’m dumb, I was warned, repeatedly. But I still expected better. Don’t know why, but I did. And you know what else, I watched it all, all of it. Why? I don’t know. Self Loathing perhaps.

On the forums they put forward suggestions for season 2. Mine are as follows:

Glasgow Ned Vs. Manchester Scally

A 5 on 5 bout obviously, who is the most irritating and possibly harmful small time criminal? The ned weapons could include kitchen knife, empty glass Irn-bru bottle, half brick and a plank of wood. The smack talk would be worth the admission price alone.

Chartered Accountant Vs. Estate Agent

Who would win in a fight to the death. I’d just like to see it happen.

Or better yet, lets leave what vestiges of reality we have behind

Klingon Warrior Vs. Peacekeeper Commando

Can the wild warrior spirit of the Klingons beat the Cold military organisation of the peacekeepers?

Spartan from Halo Vs. Space Marine from warhammer 40k

Both are genetically engineered armoured super soldiers, but will Spartan discipline beat the rabid faith of the marines?

And finally

Starfleet “Redshirt” Security Vs Imperial Storm trooper

One is good at dying, one can’t kill a fricking ewok, will the redshirt not die or will the storm trooper hit something.

Joking aside, I think this would suit the absurdity of the series, get some people dressed up as ficional warriors, do tests on weapons (Assisted by special effects) and do a mock battle.

I think that might be a distinctly watchable show

War of Kings

Marvel’s other cosmic event has finally wrapped up (Ok I finally got out to buy comics) anyway it’s been quite a surprise, namely because its two run up titles (X-Men kingbreaker and Darkhawk) were a little lacklustre.

The story is of course about a second Kree/Shi-Ar war, only this time the Kree are lead by the Inhumans and their king Black Bolt, while the Shi-Ar are lead by Cyclops’s other other other brother, Vulcan. Also involved are the newly formed Nova Corps, the Guardians of the Galaxy and Darkhawk (or should I say Razor)

This was actually quite different to the Annihilation events, in that the tie ins told other aspects of the story leaving the main effectively a self contained story regarding the progress of the war as seen by Crystal from the Kree side and Gladiator from the Shi-Ar. The tie ins were of the good sort where they added to the story if you read Nova, Guardians of the Galaxy and Ascension, but didn’t detract from it if you didn’t, so Nova was really more about Rich’s battle with the out of control Worldmind/Ego and Guardians was half about their efforts to end the war diplomatically (With fun and disastrous results) and half about trying to avert the ultimate end to the war.

The end was spectacular, Black Bolt and Vulcan fight on a giant bomb, which eventually explodes tearing a huge hole in space, exactly as Adam warlock predicted. Warlock manages to stop its expansion but the cost is that he becomes his evil future self, The Magus, and at the cost of Phlya and Gamera, although I doubt they will stay dead.

We now have an interesting state of affairs to the cosmic marvel universe, namely there is an empire in chaos and a dirty great rip in space, Darkhawk is on the run as while under control of the Razor personality in his armour and the Nova Corps are back to severely reduced numbers (A nice touch is that all the new Novas are in trainee uniforms similar to rich’s old “Kid Nova” suit)

Overall it was good, well written with good art and really had the impression of a large scale galactic conflict. Tie ins were, as said before good but unintrusive and overall this was a good event, if lacking the “Galaxy is doomed” feel of the previous two, also a good example of how to run event tie-ins. Mainstream Marvel take note.

I had my fears about what spinoff we would get from this event; I feared it would be a Starjammers in the universal rule of no area of marvel must be without X-Men of some description, although Ch’od is brilliant. I’d have been happy with an Imperial Guard title or Inhumans, or a Darkhawk one. Instead we’re getting Realm of Kings.

Yes, from war of Kings comes Realm of kings, stuff is coming through the big space hole, and it looks like evil avengers. Fortunately we’re getting a couple of decent looking LS from it, Inhumans and Imperial guard. Not really happy about blundering into another event, but at least I don’t have another ongoing to pick up.

High Speed Rail

Recently Network Rail proposed a plan to build a new High speed line from scratch; it would be 200+mph, travel from Edinburgh and Glasgow to London via Birmingham and have a Journey time of around 2hrs 30 mins. Now, I think this is a fantastic idea, think about it, that is faster than flying. Some will say that the flight to London is under an hour, however neither Glasgow, Prestwick or Edinburgh airports are in the city centres, and factoring in check in times and all the interminable waiting that airlines seem to want you to do, and your City Centre to City Centre time is closer to 3-4 Hours flying. This link would be on a train in Glasgow, and 2.5 hrs later you’re in the centre of London. It’s cleaner than flying or driving, ok so electric trains are only as clean as the power station available, but it’s better than burning aviation fuel or diesel and way more sustainable. In fact not much of this project doesn’t make sense.

However I’m sceptical if it will ever get built. Its price tag is around the £34 billion. It’s a shame that the government won’t commit to such a high spend, considering the millions it will quite readily spend for motorway enhancements and a 3^rd runway at Heathrow which seems to be wanted only by BAA and airlines. This is not all this project has stacking up against it. I can see the air travel lobby being pretty vocal in its objections to this project, after all, if it is faster than flying, and if the tickets aren’t extortionate, then it will take passengers from domestic flights, environmentally this is a good thing but airlines tend not to see loss of custom that way. It may also be scrapped by an incoming Tory government, which looks most likely. The Tories have generally shown a dislike for public transport (“This is the age of the Car”) and anything north of Birmingham. Until recently I would have said that the Scottish government would at least fund its side but after the scrapping of GARL I’m not so sure. Finally it is possible that the city of London may try to derail this project (Pardon my pun)

There was an article about a year or so ago, suggesting that regeneration doesn’t work and that we should all move to the south east. It was interpreted as a sign of fear from London that it may be loosing its importance to business. Back in the day you had to have a major office in London; it was how you did business. Problem is that London is expensive, and now many businesses are moving the bulk of their operations to regenerated areas like Manchester and Newcastle and leaving a shadow presence in London (Usually a few desks rented in a building) as modern transport and communications means that the city is only a few hours away. 2.5 hours from the central belt of Scotland to London would further erode any necessity to actually be based there. Hell, we could probably remove the second home allowance for many Scottish MPs because 2.5 hours is a commutable distance. Not an ideal one but definitely an option.

Of course, for everywhere else this is a great thing. And this is who should be getting behind the project, Local governments and big business should all welcome the chance to move away from the capitol, it means lower rents for business, and more interest for abandoned industrial towns. It means reduced overcrowding in the south and hopefully removing the need to build on flood plains. Basically, spend the 36bn, do it properly (No bloody PFI) have reasonable fares and this could be a massive boon to the whole UK.

Upcoming TV

I’ve spent so long on last years TV, and Virgin have spent so long putting on Chuck, that we’re now into the new season. Here’s a rundown on shows I’m interested in. The twist? Despite the axing of many a good show (Middleman, Knight Rider, Reaper) the end of BSG etc, I still have a pretty full schedule, frankly more of a schedule than I can watch. So, expect one or more of these to be dropped before the end of season.

Definitely Watching

Lost – Aside from the fact that the past few seasons have been great, I’m committed; I want to know how this ends. And I’m looking forward to this season as well, not just that we’ll get answers, but just in general, Lost has been really good of late. If I drop everything else I need to see Lost.

Doctor Who – We have some specials coming up, and ultimately the regeneration of David Tennant to Matt Smith. Doctor Who usually appears on everything else’s off period as well which is a bonus.

Chuck – Again, probably advantaged by Virgin showing it late, so it’s likely to be on Virgin once other shows have finished. Hell we’re just finishing season 2 now, but it’s been so much fun I can’t see me abandoning this now.

Might be Watching

Stargate Universe – Reilly 2040 did a decent post on this so far and indeed I’m watching at the moment. The first 3 parter, Air was quite good, definitely a different direction. The series has made good use of the lack of a coherent command structure on board Destiny; I expect to see more conflicts from the large civilian population in the future. They’ve also added in the feature of the ancient communications device, allowing them to exchange bodies with people on Earth. I’m hoping this means we’ll see experts such as Rodney from Atlantis brought in on occasion. All that bound with a big ship that could house problems of its own and a viable “Planet of the week” premise if required (The hint that destiny will seek out planets that may help it run is intriguing). Downsides, I liked the lighter feel of the previous stargate incarnations, this series seems almost a little po-faced. Overall, hopefully I can keep with this

Flash Forward – Have caught the first 2 eps (Missed 3, putting child to bed) and it is so far rather intriguing. Yes it could well be the next lost, with its unfolding mystery etc. Only gripe so far is that none of the characters have really shone, they don’t interest me like the initial survivors of lost did. However I do like a good mystery and this series has set up the layers nicely. At its core is the constant question of “Is the future fixed” which leads into the mystery of why the event happened, who are the people who did not black out, all tracked through a board of random clues the main character was conveniently looking at during his flash forward. There were also some nice touches, we had consequences of everyone blacking out for 2 mins or so, plane crashes, car crashes and general disorder. On the other hand some people were doing mundane things like sitting on the toilet reading the paper. If I can keep the commitment, and if it doesn’t descent into X-Files/Season 2 Lost territory of never answering things properly, in short if it’s well planned, this could be very good. An extra gripe to Channel 5 doing ads every 15 mins. I realise this is probably the same number of ad breaks as you get when shown with US breaks, but it ruins the pacing of the show.

True Blood – this is technically last years TV, with Season 2 starting soon or already started. But being on Channel 4 means we all get to find out why we were so happy when Sky bought the rights to Lost. Still anyone with FX can catch it sooner so there’s a bonus. Series about vampires living among us has had nothing but good reviews from all who have seen it only caught some of the pilot and it could well be interesting. I’ve never been that enamoured by vampires mind you. Still, at time of writing all I can really tell you about is that we have a psychic girl who may start dating a vampire. True Blood lacks the instant hook of Flash Forward, but its later timeslot and rave reviews mean that it may be something I can keep an eye on easily.

Defying Gravity – Did you see the Docu-Drama Space Odyssey – Voyage to the planets? No, oh, shame, it was quite good. Defying Gravity takes this idea but dumps the Docu side, focusing instead on the Drama; it tells the story of a group of Astronauts on the star ship Antares on a mission to explore the solar system. Its blurb and episode summaries hint at a series focused more on realistic space travel and the dramas that come from it, such as relationships aboard ship and dangers from solar radiation and isolation. Reviews haven’t been positive but I like this sort of thing and so will most definitely give this more leeway than normal.

Heroes – What to say about Heroes, well the Beeb has lost confidence, that shows. To be fair they did it no favours scheduling it against Ashes to Ashes, not so much because one would trounce the other but way to knock a chunk off your own ratings. Anyway, apparently after the last good run of showing it near enough as soon as the US has (As Sky tend to do) they’ve now said they won’t be showing the next season until 2010. In some ways this is good, it means all my TV doesn’t hit at once and gives me a fighting chance to see something. Down side is, well frankly Heroes has never really found its feet after Season 1 and I’m not sure I want to go through another season. Yes it had highlights, but it has been a bit of a mess. Its like a relationship that’s petering out, You want to give Heroes one more chance, it promises to be like it was when you first met, but you fear you’ve heard that before, and we’ll instead have another year of going through the motions and being disappointed. Timing will see if I open myself up to this again.

Dollhouse - This really didn't grab me last year, until the last few eps, in particular Epitath One. Damn you Wheedon, this may well be worth a second look, particularly now Wheedon can judge the direction more clearly. Still, from the promo posters expect Dushku in a variety of outfits all the same.

Overall, considering the axings of last year, we still have a decent crop of shows to keep me entertained.

Last Years TV - The Latecomers

In this post I’m going to examine the two late entries to last years TV, both too late to make the television awards. However their respective channels, in this case Channel 4 and Virgin 1 got a mention so in some sense they were there. I am of course going to talk about Reaper and Chuck.

Chuck has been an absolute delight this year, providing a good few twists and turns regarding the status quo, such as the Fulcrum Intersect, and has managed to hit home exactly how precarious Chuck’s situation is, and how this is ruining his life. Meanwhile the antics of his supporting cast, particularly the Buy More crew have been fun, in fact so much fun that I wouldn’t really miss the spy stuff if it was gone. Either way, you care about all these characters from the heartbreak where chuck has to emotionally crush Morgan to save his life, to the strange Joy to an episode which finishes with Jeff and Lester’s band Jeffster doing a number. It may only get one more season, so my advice to the makers of Chuck, the finale of the final season should involve chuck telling everyone about the intersect in order to mount a comedy rescue of Sarah inadvertently destroying fulcrum in the process. This series needs a mad happy ending.

Reaper has been cut down before its time. It’s a shame because it’s similarly a great fun show. This season Sam has been trying to take on the devil, in mostly unsuccessful ways, culminating in a high stakes game of Quarters. Sam, as always could be annoying if not played just right, as it stands he carries off the right combination of slacker and miserable in just the right doses. As with chuck, a large amount of the appeal comes from the supporting cast, who were boosted this season with Andi, sock and Ben being joined by Sam’s Zombie dad, Nina, a demonic assassin who is now dating Ben and possibly the most fun Morgan, the Devil’s other son and Sam’s half brother. As always the show wouldn’t be complete without Ray Wise as the Devil. I honestly believe that if there was a real devil and he saw Ray Wise in reaper, He’d be annoyed that he wasn’t having nearly as much fun. A great mix of comedy and underlying menace.

I’ll miss you reaper.

I Believe in the BBC

Apologies for this long, rambling and ranty post

At the recent Edinburgh TV Festival the Mac Taggart lecture was delivered by James Murdoch, Son of Rupert Murdoch Billionaire Tyrant and owner of News international. His speech attacked the BBC calling in particular for the online news service to be scaled back or completely removed, and argued that the only true guarantor of independent journalism was profit. This of course has nothing whatsoever to do with News international wanting to charge for online versions of their paper, and this being hard because

1, a cardinal rule of the internet is that it is very hard to charge for something that you previously offered for free

2, it is even harder to charge for something when someone else is offering a superior product for free.

Fortunately in a room full of professionals and educated people, this didn’t really wash, and most saw this for what it was, the usual Murdoch dislike of anything they can’t buy or drive out of business. However there are fears that in order to gain press support some backroom deals may well be made by both parties next election to begin the dismantling of the BBC.

Murdoch’s argument sounds valid, who wouldn’t trust an independent company, who have to make a profit over something government run, except the BBC has many safeguards in place to stop it being the governments propaganda wing. In fact the BBC has been one of the biggest critics of the government, even in its current gun shy state after the brutal attack the government made on it over the Iraq dossier. In fact if anything it’s the profit driven news companies who deserve more scrutiny as they show what news gathering would be like under a purely commercial model.

In Nick Davis’ book “Flat Earth News” he describes what he calls the “news Factory” an environment which exists when companies run news organisations for the maximum amount of profit. In these news factories such as those run by news international, staff are overworked and short on time, and in general stories are run direct from the news wire or indeed more often than not reworded from corporate press releases or other papers articles (A process referred to as Churnalism) with minimal to no fact checking. This leaves the commercial news operators wide open to distortion by PR companies, and the like. It also creates a style of journalism that stays away from dangerous stories, namely watch what you say about big companies, or anything not form an “Official Source” The BBC has fallen into this trap as well, although not as badly as those run by companies like News International.

The second problem with profit driven news is what I call the Daily Mail syndrome. The Daily Mail is Britain’s best selling paper, it is also full of distortions presenting a view of the UK as a nation swamped with foreigners all raiding our lucrative benefits system, while white hard working taxpayers foot the bill, it shows a Britain swarming with feral youths and crime, which naturally only hanging and the birch would solve. It also, as has been said by better men than me, has engaged in a rather odd project to classify all inanimate objects into those that cause or cure cancer. When questioned, the Mail defends itself by stating that it reflects the views of its readers, and I don’t doubt that, it reflects the worrying state of mind of little Englanders and paranoid xenophobes everywhere. It also pedals racism and constantly misrepresents the facts to fit its agenda. And this sells by the bucket load. In short, it works on a principle of “hell with the facts, tell them what they want to hear and we make money” That is what profit driven news gives you.

A great example of the true faults with profit driven news occurred at the end of last year during Israel’s attacks on Palestine. The Sun, a News international paper, ran a story about Islamic extremists creating a hit list of prominent UK Jews. Sir Alan Sugar was on this list (And he successfully sued the Sun, more on that in a bit). The Story was sourced from a supposed independent Terror Expert named Glen Jevaney, who claimed he had been staking out internet forums for just this ort of thing. Jevaney was backed by Tory MP Patrick Mercer, A shadow cabinet minister, so official source. This story was published in the Sun with minimal fact checking. Several independent bloggers, most notably Tim Ireland of Bloggerheads (www.bloggerheads.com and I can only recommend you read his expose on this yourself) and that’s independent as in they do this for free, did what the profit driven media did not and looked into this. It transpired, and eventually broke recently on radio 5, that the person posting on an Islamic website about targeting high profile Jews was Glen Jevaney, he’d been trying to bait the residents into providing a story, and when none bit, he used his own posts as evidence of extremism. He was found out, not by professional journalists, but by enthusiastic amateurs who were not held to costs or deadlines.

So, to conclude, the BBC, if it has any problems at all in its news gathering, it is that it tries too often to emulate the commercial companies. James Murdoch is wrong; the profit motive provides shoddy journalism. The best comes from having time and the guts to follow a story in detail, do research and properly investigate. So far the profit medial provides none of this.

Timestorm 2009-2099

Well, this has ended, a 4 Part mini series (With 2 one shots) where Bryan Reed takes a shot at resurrecting the 2099 universe.

Initially I had high hopes for this, it looked more true to the original 2099 universe than Robert Kirkman’s Marvel Knights 2099, which had nothing to do with any previous 2099 save the date, however this series was badly disappointing.

I should at this point say, I was a huge Punisher 2099 fan, and really liked Spider-man 2099 under Peter David, and this looked kind of faithful. The plot centres on Alchemax sending the Punisher (Jake gallows, as nutball 2099 Punisher) back in time to supposedly kill off heroes. In fact he’s sending them to 2099.

This wasn’t quite the 2099 we used to know, it has the same people, and its corporate run, but in this world heroes are corporate mascots, the police are punisher themed for example. This is explained near the end, and we do get a brief glimpse of the real Doom and Punisher 2099. However the rest of this series was a pretty big disappointment. It is basically Spider and Wolverine in the future, but with a rather confusing time travel plot. What actually kills this series is its closeness to the original 2099. It feels tantalisingly close, so how have they got it so wrong, who decided to remake Spidey 2099 as a kid, and as a near carbon copy of the present day spidey? And who came up with an intriguing notion of a slight change to the 2099 universe, only to more or less use it only for backgrounds.

This is the real problem, it feels like setup, when what I wanted was my old 2099 universe back, and the setup of a new spidey 2099 who is markedly less unique and interesting than the original 2099 spidey, and a group of near enough X-men led by wolverine of the future just doesn’t wet my appetite at all.

In short, Reed obviously wanted to put his own stamp on this, but sadly it is too unique to be what I wanted, and too like the old universe to be something new (Which at least Kirkman’s one shots had in their favour)

Marvel, next time you want to do 2099, let peter David do it, in fact, bring back the first 2099 team.