More Sorry Farewells

Once again I have to mourn the passing of another great title that was well written, critically well recieved and yet bought by no-one. I speak of She-Hulk, yes, nits not new news, but I was working myself up to a post.

I started on SHe-Hulk at the start of Dan Slotts run (Yes, I have been loving all things Dan Slott recently) where he put the focus on Jen Walters and her job as a lawyer for a firm specialising in superhuman law. It was a fun look at the Marvel Universe from an outside perspective with a good dollop of humour and heart. It was axed once but brought back, and eventually Slott left the title, although as a parting gift he threw in a sly explanation for any unusual behaviour and continuity variances. I woudl like to think that the recent episode of Heroes having Ando and Hiro visit a comic shop tofind out what to do next is at least ins ome way a nod to She-Hulk using her law offices supply of Marvel Comics to find legal precident and superhuman weaknesses.

After Slott there were some big shoes to fill, but tehre was also Peter David to fill them. Dropping us in at the deep end She-Hulk is now a bounty hunter and working with a skrull sidekick called Jazinda. Over the course of his run he's build Jaz into a character I care about, taken a different but still fun tack with She-Hulk and made the title one which really should have enjoyed more success.

Sadly it is not to be, so goodbye She-Hulk. You'll be missed.

Dark Reign, Speculation

Well, the solicits are finally declassified and we can now see the shape of the Marvel Universe in the upcoming Months. Osbourne is basically in charge of whatever replaces SHIELD as well as the Avengers and the Initiative. And he's assembled his Dark Illuminati and he appears to have a plan.

This looks interesting, I'm going to guess that we can expect to see the worst excesses of the SHRA, with everything getting more totalitarian. And we now have 4 Avengers books. From what we've seen in the solicits here's what I'm expecting

New Avengers: Well, they've always been the avengers on the run, so the heat will be turned up a notch, particularly as I reckon Osbourne is going to have a bit of a mad on for Spider-Man. Looks like Cap is joining their team though, wonder how well Bucky will play with the others and if he'll bring his support staff of Black Widow and Falcon to the team, possibly not since both are registered and could be insiders, but then again once caught aiding and abetting? who knows. A later cover shows Ms Marvel and Spider-Woman as well, could they be new additions? I'm guessing that the thrust of this series will be searching for where Skrull-Jarvis took Baby cage.

Mighty Avengers:Well, Dan Slott is writing so its got a lot going for it. He has been pretty vague about some aspects of the book and lineup, so far confirmed are Hank Pym, Jocasta and The Scarlet witch, Which is a shock. Possible other members include Hercules, Iron Man and US Agent. Slott has dropped hints that these avengers will be looking at worldwide threats, and may not be based in the US (I'm thinking the old Hydrobase perhaps) in order to stay clear of Norman Osbourne's reaches. Dan Slott says they will be the ray of light in Dark Reign.

Dark Avengers: The Wild card. My money is on this lot being Osbournes personal avengers, but the solicits don't seem to match what I say. Looking at some of the clearer shots we definitely Have Ares and Noh-Varr (marvel boy, possibly now Captain marvel) a woman in Ms Marvel's old outfit, Now I remember one of the Initiative taking to that suit (Power Woman or something, an old New Warrior regardless) The two mystery men, Someone in Spider-Man's black costume and Someone in Hawkeye's old suit. Shot in the dark but as the Thunderbolts lineup looks like all change and if my hunch on this lot ultimately being Norman Osbourne's avengers, could they be Venom and Bullseye? Finally we have the Iron patriot, or Iron man suit painted like Captain America, if so, WHo is in the suit, Normie himself? Abe Jenkins aka Beetle? The 1950s Cap?

Thunderbolts looks like a completely new, and mostly unrecognisable lineup but the writer impressed me last issue so I'll stick with it. The initiative is also on a new writer and will feature the return of Clor. One worry I have about this series, aside from can any writer live up to Dan Slott's run, is that from those cover solicits, it looks like Humberto Ramos on art. I really don't like his stuff and it may well be a deal breaker if the writing and stories aren't up to much. A shame as The Initiative has been a great title so far.

Overall, the future is dark, but looks damn interesting

Secret Invasion

Well its all wrapped up, and there will probably be a few more posts on Dark Reign and my hopes for it and various other musings.

Regardless, if you are waiting for the trades or something, this is spoilerific so look away now.

Reactions to issue #8, good issue, but it was more wrapping up than anything else. This looked more like it was setting things up for the future, with Hulkling saddened by the plight of the skrulls, baby Cage taken, and obviously Wasp dead. I also liked the reference to the minor trinity in Avengers of Thor, Cap and Iron Man, and how this is still very much broken. I hope Dark Reign does something to repair the bonds between those three. Finally, the twist at the end? Wow, didn't see that coming, and I've seen Norman bigging himself up in Thunderbolts. It is a bit shaky, because unless a side effect or Peter's ever popular deal with the devil was that people also forget that Osbourne had a nasty habit of dressing up like a Goblin and killing blonds. Of course the other possibility is that people know he has dressed up as a Goblin, but he's better now and has pills, hence why he was so worried that Songbird had footage of him merrily killing his way through Thunderbolts Mountain. Regardless, this is probably not a good time in the Marvel Universe to be called Spider-Man.

So, SI as a whole, wasn't bad. But it could have been better, I think what it all comes down to is the bit in the savage land, how basically it was pointless. Re-Reading and it was filler, or a distraction, like they intended if you believe Bendis. It is probably the thing that drags the series down a fair bit.

So, the future sees Norman Osbourne and a secret Cabal of Villains, well a She0Loki, The Hood, Namor, Dr Doom (yay) and White Queen (Who's presence will be explained) in charge of the Initiative, the Avengers and whatever replaces SHIELD. Iron Man is on the run and you can bet that whatever unofficial support Cap got will be similarly gone.

Bring Dark Reign

War Machine: Weapon of SHIELD

Well, War Machine was back for 3 issues of Iron Man: Director of SHIELD as part of the Secret invasion crossover, and he rocked.

The three part Story focused on War Machine and what he did during the invasion after he left Camp Hammond following a mysterious message from Tony in Avengers: The initiative.

Well, turns out Stark made the War Machine suit for Jim as part of a fail safe should Starktech be compromised, and also provided Jim with a big stealth satellite which could transform into a Giant robot. Tony, nice chap he is also called in Suzi Endo, who in an alternative future was Cybermancer, and has since then take up the Cybermancer name, sort of and presumably without the evil. Well, its confusing because its a Force Works reference and a link to the Very confusing Crossing storyline.

Anyway, War Machine blows up loads of Skrull ships, has a sort of Team up with Russia's Winter Guard (Who I may blog about later) and ultimately wins the day, and an ongoing series.

Yes. News has been out for some time but there will be a War Machine ongoing, frankly life doesn't get much better.

My mate, and sometimes only reader Reilly2040 blogged about it Here http://reilly2040.co.uk/blog/2008/11/12/greg-pak-talks-war-machine/
And some guy called Greg Pak has also made some comments about it here
http://www.newsarama.com/comics/110810-War-Machine-Pak.html

It looks good, taking the Worldwatch idea but with much more focus on it being a One man operation. To an extent Jim will be becoming a bogeyman to all evil dictators, best not commit that genocide or War Machine will get you. Oh yes.

Needless to say I am a bit excited.

Now, will Century turn up in War of Kings?

It's a Travesty

Well, the first proper trailer for next summer's Star Trek film is out, and ts terrible, the enterprise bridge doesn't have that plywood look I crave and I bet the computer won't make loud clicking noises when it tries to think. And look at the cast, I could be wrong but they haven't done what I suggested and cosmetically altered the entire cast to look 40 years younger, I mean come on, this is the 21st Century and just because some actors are dead shouldn't stop them starring. Come to think of it they didn't use my fan script and so any other must be unsuitable.

I trust like me you will all be boycotting this travesty.

I am of course kidding. Aside from one or two niggles, and considering its a trailer, some minor fanboyish continuity issues, this looks tops. It has some very nice touches, rumours of Kirk being disgraced due to his actions in the Kobiashi Maru, the Uniforms, gods the Uniforms, they are truly genius. Karl Urban and Zachary Quinto just look so much like young versions of McCoy and Spock its unbelievable. We seem to be getting huge dollops of fan service, Christopher Pike, Sarek and Amanda, the Enterprise Under Construction.

Can I take a Newborn to see it?

SO what are my niggles. Well, the bridge, looks more bridge like, but also like a wine bar in an apple store. But it is an understandable change. The other is The Enterprise herself, saucer to deflector dish she's fine, but the back is too squished and too truncated, and the big vents on the front of the nacelles look a bit duff. But really its more in the way of its not my favorite (A, Original, D, NX-01, C, B, New movie and the Enterprise J seen in an episode of Enterprise if you're interested)

So, with such minor niggles, how the hells can I not be excited.

The Name Game

As many who know me know, I have become a dad.

This naturally leads to many new, irrational fears about the universe which I will no doubt expound on at a later date. At the moment my main focus will be on names.

My wife and I spent nearly the full 9 months (Not counting hypothetical conversations in the years before) deciding on names, and I think we did well to deliberate on this for such a long time, longer than we spent making many other decisions, because this is the name our child will be stuck with until it is legally old enough to change its name. Now I made some less than serious suggestions (Optimus Prime, Minime) but in the end I am happy with what we chose, and I think our child has a name it can live with (or at least a very normal middle name should it need a fallback)

However, others are not nearly so sensible.

In the bed opposite us were a couple who, despite being give 9 months had yet to decide on a name. Come on, really, did you have something more important to do.

Worse are some of the really strange names that people come up with, most of which go to show that perhaps they may not be that suitable to be parents. There was a couple who were annoyed that they weren't allowed to call their child 4Real, and so settled for Superman.

Superman!

And of course the Man U fan who named his boy after all 11 players on their team (of course if you did that with all 10 Doctors it would be Sad, but as its football its a bit eccentric)

Of course it seems like if you are a celebrity then absurd names are mandatory, Michael Jackson still probably the worst with the absurd Prince Michael, and the absurd and unimaginative Prince Michael II.

What has bugged me is that in the 4Real case, some kid will have to grow up with that name because his parents were so stupid they couldn't even master Velcro shoes. In fact the only reason 4Real (which will give the kid some really odd initials) was refused was because our system will only allow names made up of letters, no numbers. That's the entire criteria for what some poor little tyke will be stuck with for life. What we need is something like the french system.

in France, your name has to pass official scrutiny. So no Superman here. In fact you'd also have to make a pretty good argument for Kal'El, however, Clarke would be fine. A child could grow up as a Clarke, or a Kyle, or Tony or even a Logan without too much hassle. See I'm not wanting to limit names, just take out the really stupid ones. My system has a couple of extra features.

On first stupid name, a simple No, go away and think again is presented. There will be reasons as to why the name is stupid provided for future instruction.

On second stupid name a list of suggested names will be provided as a guideline, alongside a list of unsuitable ones. Unsuitable ones will be on a red sheet of paper with UNSUITABLE written at the top to avoid confusion.

On third attempt the parents are denied the opportunity to name their child and the name is decided from a list. The parents are also earmarked for further scrutiny by child services.

To all potential parents, giving your child a dumb name is child abuse, yes Nicholas Cage or Angelina Jolie do it, but their kids will never really live in the real world, yours will have to go to a normal school with normal cruel kids in. Introducing yourself as 4real will not go down well.

Pie Man's Flaura and Fauna of the Roads #2

Look, continuation, how amazing.

#2 The Middle Lain drivers.

Pootling is a made up word, by me. It describes the motorist you often see on an empty motorway, tootling along the middle lane at 50mph or less. A close relative of the outer lane moral guardian.

I often use the term pootler because its more generous, it suggest a gentle incompetence, perhaps a little of the grumpy old "this isn't a race you know" mentality. However it only describes one of the two sub-species of the middle lane driver.

Pootlers are usually in the middle lane because they genuinely don't really understand motorways, they may still be believing the myth that the lanes have different speeds assigned, and that the middle is 50-60, they may just be completely clueless and so stick to the middle as it seems like a compromise. Pootlers are pretty hard to identify, they drive a variety of cars and are a variety of ages.

Hogs are the other breed, they know fine well they shouldn't be in the middle lane, but they somehow believe that the inside lane is for slow moving pensioners and girls, and not for them. Yes they can only cope doing 50, or sometimes they are doing 70, but there is still an vast stretch of unused tarmac to their left. Of course they won't admit pride as to their poor lane management, no, they'll make excuses, like they were preparing to overtake a slower car over the horizon, they know that in 30 miles the road becomes 2 lanes, and this is their correct one. Either way it isn't, its just because they can't quite stomach going to the inside unless its for slip road purposes. These hogs quite often become outside lane menaces on dual carriageways. usually identified as male, aged anywhere from 17-55 and will be driving a small hatchback with all the trimmings (Cooling tower exhaust, stereo, extra lights like a mobile disco, picnic table spoiler and mandatory fog lights regardless of visibility) older versions will be driving some sort of repmobiel, Vectra or Mondeo through to BMW and even some of the smaller Mercs.

So, why is this a problem, there's an outside lane, you cans till overtake. This is true, however, say there is someone doing 50 in the middle lane, no traffic to their left. Someone approaches at 60 and needs to overtake on the outside, causing someone travelling at 70 to slow down. Ideally with three lanes, and everyone playing by the rules, the outside lane should only be 70+ (not counting heavy traffic) instead this starts to give us the odd situation where the outside lane is full and the inside almost empty, as everyone tries to overtake the one person sitting in the middle.

So, how do you deal. Well, first thing, Never Undertake. Its dangerous, and you remove an opportunity for them to realise the error of their ways and pull in. Don't tailgate either, again dangerous and calling them a middle lane hog won't help the insurance claim. No, what I do, where possible, is overtake on the outside, then pull right back into the inside, maintaining the higher speed. This often works on the confused pootler, who realises that it is Ok to do 50 in the inside lane if someone is doing 70 in it. The hog, well shouldn't be on the road really, and no amount of instruction or guilt will move that bullish head.